Lucky...

     That's how I can sum up my past week. I can't control death or when I get to say my final goodbyes to the people I love and cherish the most...but I can look back and relish in the fact that they were part of my life for however long or little that was. Having to say goodbye to my aunt was something that we'd been told might happen, but getting that phone call doesn't change the fact how hard it was to say bye. I'd be a big liar if I said I wasn't still sad over her death or even shocked...but I can say I'm so lucky to have the family that I have.

        You probably think I'm boasting or bragging...."your family is crazy and dysfunctional!!" And you know what...they are! BUT, we love each other and are always there for each other. Sure, we may not always get to hang out with each other...but these people were my first friends ever....seriously before my mother let me socially interact with strangers...she set me out with my cousins, test the road out, see if I'd kill anyone--I left some bruises but we all lived!

       My family has been there for me for so many of the downs in life, but they've been there for the ups too. So when my family is faced with tragedy it comforts me to know that the shoulders I'm leaning on or shedding tears are from the people I've grown up with since birth. These people actually like to hang out with my crazy self and yet we're not above from fighting over the last piece of pizza or who was watching the TV last. Sure, you'll catch us running around the house because someone is gonna touch with a booger...and yeah we're all over the age of 21--yet our parents will still discipline us with the "chancla" sandal. But, we do like to play bingo or surprise each other with our favorites just cause we know that we enjoy those things. If you've been blessed with such a family...thank your lucky stars!

Peach & Love Always...

Insomni-addict....

Wow! Almost two years since the last post...haha life has been going...
But when in doubt a list is always a good idea

*teaching hasn't changed...still at it! This time in another language ;) Buenos Dias
*I live up to my standards...really hasn't changed
*after a rough yr in my small town in the mountains I moved...for the bigger and better things of a smaller town on the outskirts of the city
*took my first cool trip vacation and fell in love pretty hard for the tropics...
*found new friends that have slowly wormed their way into the icy depths of my heart...haha but it's ok
*my family...gotta hand it to them..I still love all of them and they still love me
*death has still managed to weasel it's way in...boo you whore!
*haters gonna keep hatin' I toast thee in wanting to take the time to hate on my boring self!
*still haven't regulated my sleep schedule...
*im a big kid now....live all by my self...it's lonely but who gets to walk around in cape from room to room! Haha bet u thought I'd say naked!!

And...I love the never ending adventure I embark on...

It's a hard knocked life...

 I had to face another death, that was just as painful as losing John. John’s mother has dealt with so much these past two years, not to mention over the years in general. She struggled with heart problems and cancer, before all of the stuff with John. She was never the same after John’s death, but I don’t think any of us were—no let restate, we were never the same and we won’t be, that’s a fact. 

I grew up knowing “The General” or “General Micky” for most of my life. She was always there throughout John and my formative years in school. High school had many memories in that library of hers, where John and I spent countless hours skipping class and passing the afternoons away. Later, through my adult years and after John’s death, Micky and I, we developed a friendship, that centered not just on John, but books and life. We had many conversations this year from all my hardships I was facing to her hardships to what we were currently watching on T.V. or reading.

Despite her strength, I think the past two years were taking its toll on her body. She passed quickly and unexpectedly. It’s true, I didn’t take the news well and I’m still handling it. I’m happy that she’s with John, resting and being with John; but I will miss her more than I thought I would. As I face this next school year, I know I will not look forward to that library being under someone else’s care. That will forever be Micky’s library. I’m not sure how I will handle this school year.

Isn’t it just like life, to throw its lemons at you, just when you’ve begun to think “Oh, I got this, look at me, I’m going to be okay.” This summer has been full of little surprises, especially ones I did not see coming. I really thought this summer would be filled with tons of romantic endeavors and busy school work. Life is amazing like that. Because despite the fact that I’m not happy with the recent turn of events, I always find the silver lining, and the silver lining I see it’s pretty amazing…peace & love always…

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
— A.A. Milne

Romance at every age...

It's true, I'm huge sucker for the romance. I love all romantic movies and I get teary eyed when watching them! I think that when someone takes the time to make something special or treat someone to something they enjoy, well that's beautiful. Yes, cheesy, but it makes me tear up with happiness. Hahaha I know, coming from the girl who prides herself on her new found independence. BUT, I've always been a sucker for the simple kindness of everyday human interaction, whether it's small or huge. Take for example, my favorite flower to receive..gerber daisies or sunflowers. Yes, I love weeds, I think they're just beyond beautiful. I think roses are pretty and nice, but if you really want to get me grinning and win extra bonus points, take the time to find a weed. John, once tried to cheer me up, I was having a rough day. He went out and bought me a Shrek coloring book and big fat jumbo crayons (I love the Shrek movies & coloring) and a red rose. Now, as he handed the gift over, I was just happy to 1. be getting a surprise gift 2. I was getting colors 3. I was getting a coloring book too! Before, I could even say "thanks!" He says, I'm sorry.  I know roses are not your favorite, but I couldn't find a sunflower or gerber daisy to save my life, all I found were roses. I looked at him and I said, John, the fact you tried to find my weeds is just as good as getting me a real one and you've made my day, thank you! I was thrilled that he got me things I loved and despite the fact that he gave me a rose, I knew he tried to find my favorite--which is what mattered. 


That's why I love romance movies or stories. The people go out of their way to make things special for that person to see them happy, that is just so amazing and the true art of love. To love someone, you'd do anything to see them smile and be happy. So, yes, I know I'm hard on myself about getting into a relationship with anyone, but it's only because I know I want different things then what most people usually want. BUT, I do love romance and I love when people go out of their way to do something to make me smile or something nice just for me. 


Which is why I love to give my friends gifts. I love to see their smiles and their faces light up when I give them something that means a lot to them; because I love them and I love seeing them happy. I hope and truly wish that everyone in this world gets some sort of love, because it makes me really sad to just think about someone not ever feeling loved or feeling important to someone. Everyone deserves loves and kindness, no matter what they've done or will do. Love is also more than just two people being physically attracted to each other. Real love is when you care about that person's happiness and you'd do anything to help them achieve that. Love is knowing despite the fact that you'll make mistakes, you still matter to someone at the end of the day and they care if you're okay. 


In short, go out and love. What do you have to lose? Oh, I'm sure you'll make a fool of yourself, but someone will appreciate the effort. People need all the love they can get, it's something that is always needed and we'll never tire of. I'll end with that silly old bear...but peace and love always <3


"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered. 
"Yes, Piglet?" 
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

Summer Lovin'

My title is such a tease!! There is no huge romance in my life at the moment...don't worry I'm not like devastated. Besides, I like keeping what little romance happens in my life under-wraps, the serious parts. Oh, I've had some run-in with boys and the general crazy chaoticness that is associated when two people find themselves potentially attracted to each other; but in all seriousness...the real dirt on my love life...well only a select few know the real story and that's how it's going to stay. I think when the time is ready life will unveil the story for that. I know what I want, I want someone to just hang out with and build a general relationship that is centered on friendship. You won't see me jumping into the love thing just a after a few months, no, it's going to take time and I want that. I don't want something based on fluff. I want something that is legit and worth wild, you only get one life on this Earth and I'm going to make it priceless. But, that's the real story on my love life at the moment. Don't worry I do have many funny, sweet, and awkward adventures with guys...maybe I'll share them, but that's another blog.


I'm going to school for my summer, which I actually enjoy. I'm a nerd! I love summer school, I love the laid back feel and the sense of happiness that is felt everywhere because it's summer. But, life has to throw in those little speed bumps to spice things up. I was in car accident a week ago. I've never been in such a situation, it was scary and just all sorts of craziness. I didn't panic, I was more concerned with the fact that my insides felt like they'd been punched by a huge fist of steel...which I guess they were. The guy ran the red, but in his defense the lights are in such a bad spot. Only Lubbock would put street lights on a major highway!! He was freaking out more than I was! I was so disoriented by it all, all I could focus my head on was that I had class and I needed to get there to tell them why I wasn't going to be showing. I was also trying to move around and see the damage of it all. I had a small head wound that was bleeding and I couldn't see or feel it. Everyone's major concern was my internal injuries and they were really quick about getting me out of the car and to the hospital to start the tests running. After several long hours, the results came back okay. I survived by some miracle and was able to walk out the same day. Now, I had not realized the seriousness of my survival rate until the next day when we saw the car and the overall attention from people I was getting. My car is totaled and the driver missed hitting me dead on by inches and the gas tank as well. That's about the most exciting thing that has happened this summer. I spent my 4th of July recovering and resting. I'm still hobbling around and I hope this recovery process hurries. But, it's given me time to think....


I've decided that I need to travel more and by traveling, I mean other countries. I'm actually glad I'm single. I can kinda do what I want when I want...which is beyond nice and fun. Alas, I'm car-less at the moment, but I love that I can jump into my car and go! I think a year from now, I may be jet-setting across the world. If I can land a teaching job... AMAZING!! If not, I'm still going. I like the idea of just going and trying to figure it out on my own. I see tons of scary adventures, but tons of memorable moments that when looked back on, I know I will never regret. If I can find a travel mate, even better. I don't see that happening, though. Most of my friends have jobs and seem content with the 9-5 lifestyle. I know John and I always talked about traveling and being a little gypsy like, and I figured, why not and what do I really have to hold me back? I don't have kids and my family, they love me and I love them, but they don't need me to be with them 24-7. I will miss them and I'm sure they'll miss me, but they know I'll always come back when they truly need me. I can't wait for those moments to happen, that wouldn't be living life. So the accident, well it's slowed me down a bit, but it's got me to think as I laid about this past week that I need to spice up my life living. I need to go find those adventures  even if it's solo. My lovely reader...cause I think I only have one...I leave with these words



The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost


Peace & Love always....

Beautiful Mess

    What a beautiful mess I’m in…sings my radio as I drive through my sleepy town and wait it’s only noon here. But, I agree with this song. Life get’s so messy, it has to be beautiful!? As I take a look around my own personal life, it’s pretty chaotic, confusing, stressful and downright messy; but it has its beautiful moments—looking at the stars with my niece as I help her find the dippers and talking about how small we really are compared to the whole universe or laughing at movie or even just watching the sun set on another day here. Then I look at the news, seems the whole world is in the same boat as me…they’re just trying to stay afloat and enjoy what little beauty they get. We live in a world right now that is teetering on its own destruction. It makes me scared for my students in my class, they’re only starting out and it seems the world they’re going to grow up in is struggling to get by on a daily basis…makes me worry about when I start bringing my own children into this world. It’s true I can look at the news and probably find myself find myself in tears, over the horrors that are happening around me; but (there’s always a BUT) then if I take a few moments I can find the beauty too. I think of all the little things that make me laugh during the day—and there’s a ton. They range from laughing at my parents to my students to even myself or just running into some unusual kindness in everyday life. Sitting down with my colleagues to talk about their marriages, children, and even what books are out there to read; I find all those “mundane” things kinda beautiful. Sure, the world we live in now seems to be falling to pieces; but what makes it bearable is my faith, family, friends, and yes, good food—a simple definition would be LOVE. It’s true despite all the craziness out there, you’ll always find love.

     It’s true, I may not know where I want to go with my life; but for right now, I’m kinda of happy with it. I’ve got some really great people in my life and for the most part, I find myself laughing and smiling throughout the day. So yeah, I’m going to take what little happiness I find and enjoy it, like it’s going to be the last bit of happiness I’ll ever find. If there is anything I’ve learned recently, you’ve got to enjoy all of life’s little blessings, because they end all too quickly sometimes—even before we’re ready for them to end. Life is not mere chances or luck, everything that happens, well it happens for a reason; it’s all part of a bigger picture which is beyond our understanding. So, I could sit here and tally up all the negatives, which would high; but what a waste of time. I say, take those negatives and find the adventure in there, because there is sure to be some crazy stories that when looking back will leave you with a huge smile. It makes for a better story and journey...peace and love always <3

Yeah, I'm going to bitch about this....

Maybe I don’t have a right to talk about this or even feel the way I do about the situation I’ve experienced at school lately; I don’t know but I do know I get really heated and all out of sorts with my emotions. I think of all the injustices in the world and the one that affects me the most is child abuse. I don’t even know where to begin on that soap box. I feel like I’m always getting the students who are coming from these crappy situations at home and I have to play mother. Do I mind? No, I’d bring them home if I could, in a heartbeat, no questions, no second thoughts about it. But, it kills me to see my students having to face such adult like situations at the mere ages of 5/6. Makes you rethink the whole G-man, or maybe why would such a wonderful being would let those things happen. He has his reasons, even though I’ll never understand, that I’m pretty sure of.

I think what angers me the most is the parent’s attitude of trying to make me look like the bad person. I want to jump up and down, stomping my feet and point out that, I’m trying to keep your child safe from you, the person whom they love the most and need the most, yet you’re the person who’s hurting them the most, mentally & physically—but sure call me the bad guy. I’m the monster of a person, even though I pick up the pieces daily and re-patch whatever I can mentally, give them the love and support they’re obviously lacking at home. I get it, I understand, sometimes life just throws these horrible curve balls at us, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re ignoring your child or taking out your frustrations on them---goodness they’re under the age of 7, they had nothing to do with the reasons why life can be so crappy, they’re victims too.

I pray every day for my students, some more than others, and I pray that I can be given the strength and guidance to help them and even foster love for these students. I thank my stars that my parents were really wonderful to me and that my niece and nephew are so lucky to have the parents they have. I see so many students whose parents have this mentality that their children’s needs are not a priority.

And as if I don’t already feel bad about putting the calls into CPS, but I get the calls from the parents as well—these attitudes like I did something wrong. Yes, I forgot, I’m supposed to ignore the huge bruise that is on your child’s face and the look of complete sadness and lack of life in your child’s eyes. I’m sure the next few days are going to be a bed of roses, but I’ll somehow survive it. I think I do it mostly for my students; I’ll gladly step into the fire for their sake, no matter how ugly things will get or how awful I’ll be treated or looked upon. I’m the only person they have who will fight that hard, to make sure they come out on top. Yes, it means me taking an emotional beating daily, but if not me then who? If their support system at home is a complete failure, how will these children survive the next 13 years of their lives? I don’t think people realize how much a teacher will do for their students; to make sure they’re potential is met or at least attempted. I don’t want the extra pay everyone cries about, I just want people to realize that their children lives are just as important as their own. Don’t get me wrong; there are some wonderful, amazing parents out there, but not everyone gets dealt those parents—those parents are a minority. I’m not sure what the future holds for the children who are growing up right now, I can only hope and pray that they be granted some happiness and love along the way, if not by their parents, then by others who truly care about them. So, share the love people, share the love. Peace & Love always….