It's a hard knocked life...

 I had to face another death, that was just as painful as losing John. John’s mother has dealt with so much these past two years, not to mention over the years in general. She struggled with heart problems and cancer, before all of the stuff with John. She was never the same after John’s death, but I don’t think any of us were—no let restate, we were never the same and we won’t be, that’s a fact. 

I grew up knowing “The General” or “General Micky” for most of my life. She was always there throughout John and my formative years in school. High school had many memories in that library of hers, where John and I spent countless hours skipping class and passing the afternoons away. Later, through my adult years and after John’s death, Micky and I, we developed a friendship, that centered not just on John, but books and life. We had many conversations this year from all my hardships I was facing to her hardships to what we were currently watching on T.V. or reading.

Despite her strength, I think the past two years were taking its toll on her body. She passed quickly and unexpectedly. It’s true, I didn’t take the news well and I’m still handling it. I’m happy that she’s with John, resting and being with John; but I will miss her more than I thought I would. As I face this next school year, I know I will not look forward to that library being under someone else’s care. That will forever be Micky’s library. I’m not sure how I will handle this school year.

Isn’t it just like life, to throw its lemons at you, just when you’ve begun to think “Oh, I got this, look at me, I’m going to be okay.” This summer has been full of little surprises, especially ones I did not see coming. I really thought this summer would be filled with tons of romantic endeavors and busy school work. Life is amazing like that. Because despite the fact that I’m not happy with the recent turn of events, I always find the silver lining, and the silver lining I see it’s pretty amazing…peace & love always…

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
— A.A. Milne

Romance at every age...

It's true, I'm huge sucker for the romance. I love all romantic movies and I get teary eyed when watching them! I think that when someone takes the time to make something special or treat someone to something they enjoy, well that's beautiful. Yes, cheesy, but it makes me tear up with happiness. Hahaha I know, coming from the girl who prides herself on her new found independence. BUT, I've always been a sucker for the simple kindness of everyday human interaction, whether it's small or huge. Take for example, my favorite flower to receive..gerber daisies or sunflowers. Yes, I love weeds, I think they're just beyond beautiful. I think roses are pretty and nice, but if you really want to get me grinning and win extra bonus points, take the time to find a weed. John, once tried to cheer me up, I was having a rough day. He went out and bought me a Shrek coloring book and big fat jumbo crayons (I love the Shrek movies & coloring) and a red rose. Now, as he handed the gift over, I was just happy to 1. be getting a surprise gift 2. I was getting colors 3. I was getting a coloring book too! Before, I could even say "thanks!" He says, I'm sorry.  I know roses are not your favorite, but I couldn't find a sunflower or gerber daisy to save my life, all I found were roses. I looked at him and I said, John, the fact you tried to find my weeds is just as good as getting me a real one and you've made my day, thank you! I was thrilled that he got me things I loved and despite the fact that he gave me a rose, I knew he tried to find my favorite--which is what mattered. 


That's why I love romance movies or stories. The people go out of their way to make things special for that person to see them happy, that is just so amazing and the true art of love. To love someone, you'd do anything to see them smile and be happy. So, yes, I know I'm hard on myself about getting into a relationship with anyone, but it's only because I know I want different things then what most people usually want. BUT, I do love romance and I love when people go out of their way to do something to make me smile or something nice just for me. 


Which is why I love to give my friends gifts. I love to see their smiles and their faces light up when I give them something that means a lot to them; because I love them and I love seeing them happy. I hope and truly wish that everyone in this world gets some sort of love, because it makes me really sad to just think about someone not ever feeling loved or feeling important to someone. Everyone deserves loves and kindness, no matter what they've done or will do. Love is also more than just two people being physically attracted to each other. Real love is when you care about that person's happiness and you'd do anything to help them achieve that. Love is knowing despite the fact that you'll make mistakes, you still matter to someone at the end of the day and they care if you're okay. 


In short, go out and love. What do you have to lose? Oh, I'm sure you'll make a fool of yourself, but someone will appreciate the effort. People need all the love they can get, it's something that is always needed and we'll never tire of. I'll end with that silly old bear...but peace and love always <3


"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered. 
"Yes, Piglet?" 
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

Summer Lovin'

My title is such a tease!! There is no huge romance in my life at the moment...don't worry I'm not like devastated. Besides, I like keeping what little romance happens in my life under-wraps, the serious parts. Oh, I've had some run-in with boys and the general crazy chaoticness that is associated when two people find themselves potentially attracted to each other; but in all seriousness...the real dirt on my love life...well only a select few know the real story and that's how it's going to stay. I think when the time is ready life will unveil the story for that. I know what I want, I want someone to just hang out with and build a general relationship that is centered on friendship. You won't see me jumping into the love thing just a after a few months, no, it's going to take time and I want that. I don't want something based on fluff. I want something that is legit and worth wild, you only get one life on this Earth and I'm going to make it priceless. But, that's the real story on my love life at the moment. Don't worry I do have many funny, sweet, and awkward adventures with guys...maybe I'll share them, but that's another blog.


I'm going to school for my summer, which I actually enjoy. I'm a nerd! I love summer school, I love the laid back feel and the sense of happiness that is felt everywhere because it's summer. But, life has to throw in those little speed bumps to spice things up. I was in car accident a week ago. I've never been in such a situation, it was scary and just all sorts of craziness. I didn't panic, I was more concerned with the fact that my insides felt like they'd been punched by a huge fist of steel...which I guess they were. The guy ran the red, but in his defense the lights are in such a bad spot. Only Lubbock would put street lights on a major highway!! He was freaking out more than I was! I was so disoriented by it all, all I could focus my head on was that I had class and I needed to get there to tell them why I wasn't going to be showing. I was also trying to move around and see the damage of it all. I had a small head wound that was bleeding and I couldn't see or feel it. Everyone's major concern was my internal injuries and they were really quick about getting me out of the car and to the hospital to start the tests running. After several long hours, the results came back okay. I survived by some miracle and was able to walk out the same day. Now, I had not realized the seriousness of my survival rate until the next day when we saw the car and the overall attention from people I was getting. My car is totaled and the driver missed hitting me dead on by inches and the gas tank as well. That's about the most exciting thing that has happened this summer. I spent my 4th of July recovering and resting. I'm still hobbling around and I hope this recovery process hurries. But, it's given me time to think....


I've decided that I need to travel more and by traveling, I mean other countries. I'm actually glad I'm single. I can kinda do what I want when I want...which is beyond nice and fun. Alas, I'm car-less at the moment, but I love that I can jump into my car and go! I think a year from now, I may be jet-setting across the world. If I can land a teaching job... AMAZING!! If not, I'm still going. I like the idea of just going and trying to figure it out on my own. I see tons of scary adventures, but tons of memorable moments that when looked back on, I know I will never regret. If I can find a travel mate, even better. I don't see that happening, though. Most of my friends have jobs and seem content with the 9-5 lifestyle. I know John and I always talked about traveling and being a little gypsy like, and I figured, why not and what do I really have to hold me back? I don't have kids and my family, they love me and I love them, but they don't need me to be with them 24-7. I will miss them and I'm sure they'll miss me, but they know I'll always come back when they truly need me. I can't wait for those moments to happen, that wouldn't be living life. So the accident, well it's slowed me down a bit, but it's got me to think as I laid about this past week that I need to spice up my life living. I need to go find those adventures  even if it's solo. My lovely reader...cause I think I only have one...I leave with these words



The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost


Peace & Love always....