I kinda looked back at my previous blogs, made me realize how much a person can change in such a little time. Maybe it's human nature? But, as I look back at those early blogs, I'm happy to say that I'm changing for the better--so I think. I was a heap of a mess a few months ago and I'm still somewhat of a mess, but I'm kinda of a put-together mess? LOL That's how I see myself. But, I look at the world around me and I feel it's in the same boat. Doesn't make me feel so unnormal. I would like to tackle, perhaps some issues people have been wondering about myself. People keep asking "So tell me, what's going on in your life?" Put's me off guard and my mind scrambles for all these possibles answers. Do you want to know how I'm dealing with the ex, john, my first grown-up job, or my love life? Sometimes I assume people just know what's going on in my life, but I guess I don't tell them everything, or I forget who I tell what. That happens a lot. Unfortunately, several of my really close friends all live several if not tons of hours away from me. I keep in contact via phone calls, texts, and yes even facebook. The visits are rare but cherished with so much love and gratefulness for the encounters. So, when we do find ourselves catching up, I'm always surprised to find myself talking about things that I've assumed they already know about and they don't. So, I want to update people to what has been happening in my life. I'm going to do my best and give them a recap of 2010 and the new things that have happened in 2011.
The year of 2010, started off really rocky. I was in the midst of planning a wedding and dealing with my best friends diagnosis of lymphoma. Unfortunately my friend lost his battle and so for the first part of the year I dealt with the grief that ensued after his passing. I've mentioned how close I was to this friend. As the year approaches, I'm starting to realize how final death is here on this Earth. I understood at the time that there was no coming back for my friend, but it still doesn't take that pain away or the missing of his physical presence. As time has passed, I've learned how to deal with that grief, in no way has it lessened or gone away, and it probably wont. I think I will learn how to live with that grief and accept it as part of my life as time goes on.
I started job hunting in the early part of the year as well. I'm a teacher and I hope one day to spend my days in a school library amongst the friendliness of books, not to mention the smells. I ended up snagging my first job back in my home town. The town I grew up in, not to mention my best friend and my ex. So coming home, to live with my parents, seemed like a good idea. I would live at home, without the worry of rent and be back in safe place. A place, I needed to help heal some of the hurt I'd already been dealt that year with. It has it's downsides, but what place doesn't. For the most part, my small town has treated me well. It was great place to start my adult life. I teach Kindergarten and I'm the youngest person in the whole district. My hallway (1st grade teachers, and the other Kinder teacher) have been such a blessing for me. Yes, they do get on my nerves; but it's mostly that they feel their opinions or beliefs are the best for everyone. Oh, I take what they say very seriously, but I don't always think what they think is best may be the best for me. They've been amazing for me and I thank God for them everyday. I think for the most part, I've hit it well with most of the staff, students, and parents of the students--Oh, I'm sure there are some people who could care less for me. It's hard to please everyone, but I try. I am looking for a new job or well a new place of location. I love living back at home and with my parents, but I miss being on my own. I miss the city. I do know I want to find a new location that is still small town or has the small community feel, but I need the city about 30 mins aways. I also need all year warmth. I hate the cold. So who knows where the next school year will find me. I'm going to hit the books again during summer. I need to finish my masters so I can get my library certification. I know teaching is an okay career for me now, but I don't know if it should be my permanent career. I love books and baking and if I could find something that tackles both of those loves, I'm going to do that.
We all know the story behind the ex. I feel I don't have to really describe all this again. I've talked plenty about this issue in my previous blogs. But, yep, I also got dumped this year. I greatly miss the friendship that developed in that relationship, but I have to let that fall back into place when it's time. I cannot rush it or even make it happen again if it's not meant to happen. But, I will always miss it. I do wish the ex the best in his new life and always will. I want him to find his happiness too. May have not sounded that way in the beginning, but who could have been of sound mind during the beginning of such a break up like that. I look back at the time, and I'm sure I sounded and acted a crazy fool. Maybe that's human nature too, who can predict or make humans act in the best way during such a stressful or life changing event like that. I do know, that I do regret any hurtful things I said or did during that time. I'm a little embarrassed by my behavior.
Here is an issue, that sooo many people pester me with...my love life. I wish I could say "This wonderful dark haired handsome mysterious great kisser romantic has walked into my life and swept me off my feet into this wonderful epic love adventure," but I don't live in a movie. I guess many people my age are all into dating strangers, but that's not me. I had this conversation recently with one of my friends. I just can't date some stranger I just met, sure I have several friends (who are male) if they asked or seemed interested in me that way that I would enter the "dating status" with. But,I'm not like consumed with this mission to find the "one" or even to find someone to date. Sure, if he came along I'd go along. But, it's not like a priority. I know, what a let down. hahaha My colleagues are constantly displeased with this view of mine. I think they want me to be like the young people they see on TV and cannot help but want to live a little through me in those aspects. They are also obsessed (not in a creepy way) with a male friend of mine. They find him to be the prefect piece of male flesh in this little town. Do I blame them? No, this town is not filled with tons of good looking male specimens. No wonder, my poor friend, is the center of their obsessions. He's not a horrible person to look at either. He's handsome, despite his humble protests. I just happen to be friends with him and it always makes for embarrassing conversations with my colleagues. The women I work with, are for the most part happily married, but they love to think they can fix me up with my next love story. They do it out of kindness and overall helpfulness. We live in small town, not much happens. I guess I'm the only thing they've got that is of mild interest. They are not the only ones who aware of my new single status, the whole town has become aware of it and small towns love gossip. Small towns sometimes do not comprehend how two individuals of the opposite sex cannot have more feelings for each others than just friendship, but it does exist. My colleagues just love that they get to be front and center of my love life (or they think they are) or what they assume is a love life. I'm constantly being introduced to new single potentials and I'm constantly letting them down with the outcomes. But,, I've said it before, I'm not going to enter a "dating relationship" with a complete stranger. I know, I'm a let down when it comes to a love story. But, rest assured when I get one going, I will blog about it.
What the future hold me for me is a complete surprise. I'm kinda excited about that, even though I get impatient. I hope it holds a few great travel adventures and a really awesome love story. I hope I find a career that makes me happy and financially stable, if rich is part of that equation...AMAZING LUCK!! I don't want the norm, I want my own norm and happiness. So come what may, I plan to be happy. I hope my readers do the same...find your happiness, no matter how off it is with the rest of the world's norms. Peace & love always....
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